Rebs Try to Squeeze Life Out of the Gamecocks

Thursday nights brew ha ha between the Ole Miss Rebels and USC East has all the makings of a mano a mano battle like two Hell's Angels savagely battering each other with a broken beer bottles, tire irons, and the occasional dirt thrown into the eyes. One thing is for sure they are both coming out of this bloody and bruised minus a few teeth.

Ole Miss is making a rare visit to the land of the top five. Jevan Snead is the Rebel gridiron god on offense but Houston Nutt has his Rebs playing defense also giving up a mere 10 points a game. Staring the Reb defense square in the eye is Stephen Garcia. A stout young lad who isn't going to make any defense shiver or shake. Certainly not an aged yet very physical SEC referee who planted Garcia with a forearm shiver of his own last year in the LSU game. So what is to fear? Steve Spurrier? Well the ol' tired out bawl coach just doesn't have Danny "and his bible" Wuerffel calling plays and sharing the good word with his teammates in the Gamecock huddles. No they got the fat kid who couldn't juke a fifty year old man in stripes. Garcia is the anti-Bo Jackson. Bo runs over linebackers. Garcia eats turf! QB edge certainly goes to the Rebels unless Garcia gets knocked out and there is a future Tom Brady sitting on the bench. That mystery we don't know.

What the Gamecocks got going for them? Well an athletic defense but that goes for all SEC teams with the exception of those book worms in Nashville. One factor will be 80,000 plus bourbon breathed, bloodshot eyed fans in the stands of Williams Bryce Stadium in Columbia. You might not be able to get much more than a airplane bottle at the local South Carolina pub but the college youth of today between twittering and text messaging will find a way to cross into Georgia for jugs of the good stuff. Fans don't win games and they really don't ruffle the feathers of the opponents but this is a different opponent. It's Ole Miss a team not used to spending time in the top five and if the Gamecocks cannot overcome the four point underdog role than it could be a very dark, dismal hour for the savior of the cock program who has produced the periodic upset but hasn't delivered the type of success he enjoyed in Gainesville prior to his failed NFL sabbatical.

This game is going to come down to Thursday night magic. The Rebs haven't played anyone yet and are going on the road into the cocksnest. I'm not sure exactly what one of those are but it doesn't sound friendly. Houston Nutt shouldn't expect anything less than dirty bedsheets in his Columbia sleepover. The ol' bawl coach is going to have his team prepared and the Gamecock players come nightfall on Thursday should be as riled as a bunch of drunken Hell's Angels on speed forced to watch back to back episodes of "The View".

This gambling degenerate is not necessarily betting on the ol' bawl coach nor Ol' Miss, certainly not Stephen Garcia but I am betting on the old man in stripes. I bet that guy is just a tough old bird. The type of tough old bird that takes no guff. Bad mouth him in a bar with too many drinks and that old bird is going to make you see double. No Stephen Garcia isn't a panty boy, he just got a serving of tough old bird stew the type that no one wants to chew on unless you got a fetish for butt whippin'.

Although everyone wants a sure bet. Well here is your sure bet. Nothing is for sure when it comes to football but one thing is as sure; biker chicks love bloodied, toothless, greasy-jeaned Hell's Angels. It doesn't matter if the rube just got stomped he's still an Angel and toothless or not he is desirable for the skinny girl with railroad tracks up and down her arm who gets a thrill out of a Harley Growling down the highway as she clutches her man on a road to no where. It's no different for the dirty south college princess who goes ga ga over her football stud. Both teams are gonna fight hard and when the lights have completely dimmed at Williams-Bryce stadium on Thursday night there will be an orgy somewhere. Where exactly? Chances are if you follow a football player your on the right scent.