Those infamous words of Dean Vernon Wermer said nearly 30 years ago to a young, fat booze bag named Flounder are prophetic words for Oregon State redshirt freshman Tyler Patrick Thomas today. The young Beaver was drunk and naked in a stranger's house. I hate to say it but I did that and was never kicked out of school. Hell I was at the other OSU and not only was I naked but pissed on student nurse Shelly's chair in a stupor. So I am sympathetic to the boy's cause. I especially appreciated how handled the police. He was drunk and resorted to his instincts as a football player and got into his three point stance and was showing off how he run blocks for local hero Jaquizz Rodgers. In an era where we are all hero worshiping Oregon State head coach Mike Riley failed to weigh all of the facts.
Here are the facts. Riley recruited Thomas from a small Montana town, Kalispell. In Kalispell being a bad boy means putting bombs in packages a al Phil Jackson's long lost twin brother Ted Kazyinski who resided in another desolate Montana town with no running water. Kazyinski did the reverse of young Mr. Thomas starting out as an aspiring young genius with degrees from Harvard and the University of Michigan before becoming a professor by the age of 25 at Cal Berkley before giving up at the ripe young age of 29 and taking up residency in Lincoln, Montana where he gained fame as the unabomber. So having a few drinks and getting naked is just "going to bed" as the houses are few and far between one in Kalispell rarely ever thinks they can pick the wrong house as the houses usually have 50 acres between them. In the big city of Corvallis, Thomas picked the wrong house, hey they all look alike. It happens I have done this a good four times in life. Shame on your Mike Riley if you are going to recruit kids from Montana you need to start taking some Montana sensitivity classes and understand you can take the boy out of Montana but you cannot take Montana out of the boy.
Thomas was rudely awoken from a deep and comfortable sleep by a couple of goons in cop uniforms. It's safe to say cops in their dark blue uniforms look like intruders and than you combine mirrored sunglasses at night perked upon a porno mustachioed shnozz and the poor kid probably freaked out and had no time to cover up his willie and instinctively got into a three point stance and tried to bull rush his rude sleep interrupting night visitors.
Heck getting shock treatment in the raw not administered by a non-professional dominatrix is embarrassment enough. I think the kid could have law suit for pigs practicing domination in tacky attire. Heck the kid has to come into the locker room and face his teammates isn't the embarrassment punishment enough. Hell! the kid is living in Corvallis, Oregon, he plays football everyone in town knows he was tasered in the raw I say to you Mike Riley is that enough embarrassment and big bad Coach Riley is not there to comfort the kid through his embarrassment but he is there to throw sal in the wounds.
Thanks alot Coach Riley. Next time you recruit a kid from Kalispell, Montana understand you are pulling a kid from the outer area of society, they think a little bit different in Montana. Don't recruit the kid unless you can understand his culture and show a little bit of sensitivity when he makes a mistake.
Well Tyler Patrick Thomas your life is just begging. You have not yet scratched the surface of your roaring twenties. Coach Riley and the Beavers might have barred you but all is not lost. There just happens to be this real Nutt job down in Oxford, Mississippi who will accept anyone on his football team and boy you are not just anyone you got press in the big city and any press is good press for Kalispell residents.
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