Chucky's All Grown Up

Monday Night football it's more than a game. It's an institution! From the early days when Broadway Joe Namath the pride of Alabama graced the muddy fields of Cleveland's old Municipal Stadium in MNF's inaugural season through the many, many years of the Frank Gifford. Not since the great Gifford post season with Al Michaels, Dan Fouts, and Dennis Miller has MNF had such a colorful charachter as Chucky, the former side line madman with blond locks. Close your eyes and the story gets even better. I swear I am listening to Jack Burton. That's right, the Jack Burton; The fictitious Chinatown crime fighting trucker.

It's uncanny how Jon Gruden sounds like Jack Burton. Who? Not the question to ask the last time someone asked JB who he was he stuck a knife right between the toughest old bird in Chinatown with flames erupting from his eye sockets, David Lopan the king of the San Francisco Asian underworld.

We need to really appreciate what a great time Coach Gruden is going to grace us with this year. He's still a young guy barely over 40. He has won a Super Bowl. He is the last man to really make the Oakland Raiders a force since the devil started collecting on Al Davis's ass. Jon Gruden simply said, he's one heck of a head coach and someone should be sniffing around his whistle right after the regular season concludes.

Who is going to get their paws on Gruden in 2010? Well there are plenty of teams in need including two of his old employers the Buccaneers and the Raiders. Chances of the Bucs cutting their losses on their new hire, Mr. Whathisname who's pulling a Cam Cameron on the west coast of Florida. It might be too much for the Bucs to admit they needed to go in a different direction when it might have just been better for the Buc front office to admit they failed to get Gruden players in Tampa. The latter years of Jack Burton's voice over he had no quarterback. There was Chris Simms, Bruce Gradkowski, his Super Bowl winner, Brad Johnson, and Jeff Garcia, certainly not much to work with but Gruden found ways to make them winners. Then there is the Raiders, wouldn't that be a hoot to see Gruden back with Al.


The obvious would be right there in Cleveland. Gruden is an Ohio guy, he played his college ball for the mighty Flyers in Dayton. He won a Division III championship for the Flyers back in the mid-80's. I know I was there, kegs of beer, late nigh pizza desperately trying to find a last ditch effort for female companionship, and Jon Gruden winning a low level collegiate championship for the Dayton Flyers. Cleveland needs a proven winner. The front office on Lake Erie just east of the Cuyahoga River is ready to spend, is working diligently to get a winner and desperately licking their wounds chomping at the bit to get rid of Eric Mangini the "Jet Reject" football nerd who is posing as a NFL football coach. Want a winner Cleveland, fire Mangina and start courting Chucky now! He might not last because hot on your heels will be another midwestern football crazed community that is looking for a head coach.

Notre Dame, what's that the Golden Domers? Yes, Notre Dame. Recruiting will be involved and who better than a Super Bowl winning head coach to come in and take the country by storm. Pete Carroll never made the playffos during his stints in the Meadowlands and Foxboro before taking off for the golden talent filled cupboards in Southern California. It's a match made in heaven; Jon Gruden and Notre Dame. Notre Dame needs a winner and who else would you rather want then the man who sounds like the man who took down the Godfather of Chinatown. That's right when your in the Super Bowl, it's the fourth quarter, your team is up by 3, their driving, and they come up just short on third down and your facing a fourth down and inches and on the other side of the ball is a drooling Payton Manning. Then your gimpy aged quarterback asks, "do you think that play call is gonna work?" you tell that old QB just what Jack Burton would say, "Listen here son, the checks in the mail, you just be ready for the Disneyland commercials!"

Well, who's ready to ride the Porkchop Express? Notre Dame or Cleveland?

Major Football

Boise State has been very boisterous this week about calling out all the major football programs that they will play them in their house without expecting a return date. Why not? Boise State cannot get anyone to play a home and home so it's time to build a program Bowden style. Prior to Bobby Bowden at Florida State the independent Seminoles not only couldn't beat anyone but they were not playing anyone of a decent caliber. Than came the savior of Tallahassee football, Bobby Bowden fresh off the turnip truck from West Virginia. In Bowden's second year the Noles were winners of all but two games and in four years the Noles led by future professional wrestling strongman All-American nose tackle Ron Simmons FSU went undefeated during the regular season before getting shellacked by the Oklahoma Sooners on a New Year's Day Orange Bowl.

Well so far the Bowden plan is not working for the smurf turf Broncos. No one wants to play Boise State. The last big road game by Boise State against a top opponent without a home and home agreement was Georgia where the Bulldogs dealt the Broncos
a beat down to the tune of 48-13 between the hedges. So what is to fear? You get a high profile game at home. You get a non-conference test that will boost your strength of schedule which goes a long way in the BCS computer tallies. You get big time television coverage that is a recruiting tool for top talent. The downside is if you lose you become the laughing stock of major college football losing to a Boise State. Look at this season, Oregon was left for dead after being dominated by Boise on the smurfy fields of gridiron nightmares. Oregon just dominated USC but when the final BCS rankings come out prior to the bowl season how will they be able to top the presumably undefeated Broncos for a national title shot?

The solution is conference re-alignment. The obvious is to invite Boise State to the Pacific Ten Conference. Chances are that will not happen. So it's time for the Mountain West Conference to make the call. The Mountain West the old WAC conference needs a tenth team to get an even number of conference members. Utah has two BCS bowl wins in two opportunities one under Urban Meyer defeating the Pitt Panthers en route to an undefeated season in 2004 and than turning the stomach of Paul "Bear" Bryant ghost embarrassing the two touchdown favorite Crimson Tide in last year's Sugar Bowl in SEC country. Outside of the Utes in the Mountain West TCU under Gary Patterson is normally one of the top defenses in the country and routinely winning double digit games per year. In recent years they have big quality wins against the likes of Oklahoma and Boise State. This year BYU a former national championship title winner during the era of NFL Hall of Famer Steve Young got a huge win in Dallas this year against Oklahoma. Add Boise State into the mix who won their only BCS bowl game in one of the most exciting bowl games in the history of college football with the 2006 Fiesta Bowl with a barn burning victory over Oklahoma, a team that has been to four national title games in the past ten years including one national title and a very rich football history including the owners of the longest winning streak in college football.

Joining the Mountain West solves Boise's problem of playing top competition and it also gives the Mountain West some teeth to join the big boy club for an automatic bid to a BCS bowl with four teams that have top football programs.

TBD

To Be Defeated that is the name of college football. This time of year there are always a handful of teams that are undefeated and all the BCS critics come out of the woodwork. Well of the 7 Division I teams that are undefeated there might be one left standing at the end of the regular season.

Odds are the one undefeated will be Boise State. The smurfy football Broncos have just the schedule needed to go undefeated. The road block to a perfect regular season record will gets it's toughest battle tonight as the Broncos travel across country to Ruston, Louisiana to face fellow WAC team the 3-5 Louisiana Tech Bulldogs. A dog with no bite is not exactly the most aggressive foe to face but the long trip, going on the road and facing a toothless opponent might be reason for the Broncos to beat themselves and overlook the team on the field. After all the game must be played and upsets happen. Chances of losing in Ruston are about as remote as Dick Cheyney getting the black vote in his futile run for King in 2012. As for Chris Petersen's undefeated smurf turf bunch going to the championship game that possibility took it's biggest hit in last year's December classic in San Diego when the Broncos were nipped by the Horned Frogs 17-16 in the Holiday Bowl.

Speaking of the Horned Frogs, they are the next non-BCS team that is still undefeated has one big battle against last year's unblemished Utes, who's only defeat this year was to a red hot Oregon team. Gary Patterson's squad will be looking for redemption this year against Utah as their 4th quarter collapse in "08 caused the lone star state's sole representative of the Mountain West representative to miss out on a BCS bowl invite. The Horned Frogs argument for a national title shot does have teeth. Quality wins against Clemson, BYU and potentially Utah will get the Horny Toads a big payday in January.

No team has a tougher road to an undefeated season than the Bearcats in River City. Cincinnati finishes up the regular season in Pittsburgh. Between now and traveling north to Three Rivers country the Bearcats get tough tests every week hosting West Virginia always a threat with an explosive offense and a staunch defense that can beat anyone on any given week. Earlier in the year the Mountaineers went down to Auburn in a driving rain storm and took the always tough Tigers to the wire and helped out with 5 turnovers that did West Virginia in. Any team with a running back with the explosiveness of a Noelle Devine is a threat. Before getting to West Virginia the road to an undefeated record starts with UCONN. Connecticut might not be as good as a year ago but they are more experienced and dangerous especially should Tony Pike not be ready to go and the turnover bug hit the Bearcats. Right before the Bearcats travel to Pitt they host the Illinois. The Bearcats should be favored to dismantle the Big Ten cellar dwellar but this could be the game of the season for Ron Turner's squad and his cast of talented underachievers who might decide to turn it on at Paul Brown Stadium. The biggest obstacle for the Bearcats should they remain undefeated heading into a showdown with Dave Pornstache's Pitt Panthers it will be to stay healthy. One thing for sure UCONN, West Virginia, and Illinois will all bring it physically to Cincinnati and come December health could be a major issue.

One team that will not go undefeated is Iowa. A trip to Columbus, Ohio on the second week of November will be too much for the Hawkeyes. The Buckeyes had their big stumble against Purdue on the road and there season will be highlighted by their last and only home game of the season against Iowa.

In the SEC the defending champion Florida Gators will have a hand in clearing up the defeated picture. Should the Gators go undefeated and their SEC west counterparts in Tuscaloosa, Alabama go undefeated one will get knocked off in Atlanta in the SEC title game. This you can bet on!

Naughty Naughty Lincecum

Here is to Tim Lincecum. Not that he is a poor role model for children but he is just another case of good publicity for marijuana. You know the old saying, "smoking marijuana causes one to lose motivation". I wonder what Timmy would do if he didn't smoke bud? Heck he might win a Cy Young award as the best pitcher in baseball. Wait a minute he did win a Cy Young this past year as the best pitcher in baseball and might do it two years in a row when the voting is finalized this year. Well maybe if Timmy didn't smoke weed he could be an All-Star and start in the All-Star game where the best players play. Wait again, he did start for the National League this past year in the all-star game.

Lincecum isn't the only good reason that substantiates the lies about marijuana. Michael Phelps could have been an Olympic athlete if he did not smoke bud. Well that cannot be substantiated by the Limbaugh the law is the law conservatives weiners. Mike not only was an Olympian but he really couldn't do much more as an Olympian. He won the maximum number of gold medals as a swimmer and the only thing marijuana might have done to Mike is kept him from winning a gold medal in the high jump. Heck Michael Phelps is considered one of the greatest Olympians and athletes of all-time. So obviously marijuana didn't prohibit him from doing anything.

If a study were done and the government would allow for the true results to be revealed I wouldn't be surprised if marijuana is the choice of top line athletes that want to let off a little steam. Drink a lot and get the beer gut, smoke tobacco and get a little winded and neither one of those attributes is good for an athlete.